Waiting to Get Ripped Off

Author’s note: This week’s blog has nothing to do with gambling. I’m hoping you find it interesting anyway. Next week I’ll return with something about video poker.

Bonnie and I live in a quiet neighborhood in Las Vegas. The homes are 30-35 years old and many of the original owners (including Bonnie) still live there. Everybody looks after each other and crime is low.

Except that Amazon packages are occasionally stolen from front porches. 

It’s actually a wonder to me that this happens. There are regularly people out walking their dogs or with their spouses. We have a number of busybodies spread throughout the neighborhood keeping track of everybody’s business. This seems like a tough environment in which to pull off front porch heists, given that the porches are about 50 feet or more from the sidewalk.

With that said, I recently received a package from Cologuard. This is a mail-in service that is used to check for rectal cancer. You basically poop into a cup, take a small sample that you treat with chemicals they send, and then return that sample in the mail. It’s relatively easy and eliminates the need for many colonoscopies. It’s sent back and forth in a box that size-wise could hold an inflated volleyball.

The box was on my front porch on a Monday. I brought it in but didn’t go through the sample-collection process immediately. On Tuesday I had an appointment with my primary doctor for an annual physical.

My doctor told me that their practice wasn’t using Cologuard anymore. They now used something called InSure ONE and she gave me something that was size-wise similar to a regular business envelope. I don’t know how the products differ from each other or why the change was made. I’m not in the position to endorse or criticize either product. I’ll use the new product as my doctor requested because that’s the one my insurance covers.

I asked what to do with the box from Cologuard, and she told me to throw it away and I wouldn’t be charged. No. That would be too easy, and would deprive me of running a new experiment.

After taking a Sharpie and blacking out any reference to me, I put the unopened Cologuard box back on the front step. Maybe somebody will come by and steal it! I hope so. That somebody will be very disappointed with their haul!

I’ve heard of people who’ve wrapped up packages of dog poop and put it on their front porches to teach these thieves a lesson. What I’ve done isn’t nearly as gross and messy, but it will be just as useful to them!

It’s still there after two days. If it’s still there in two more days, it’ll go into the trash. 

Author’s note: Trash is picked up on Saturdays in our neighborhood. On Friday afternoon I went to pick up the box and it was gone! I checked with Bonnie in case she had picked it up herself and either brought it in the house or disposed of it, but no. We had been ripped off!

I have never enjoyed the thought of being ripped off so much!


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